Time of the Month
by darthsydious
Summary: John and Sherlock make a run to the shops for Molly to buy her pads/tampons Sherlock is fascinated by the selection. Curiosity and silliness ensues. AU established John/Molly


"Right, the ones with no wings, and the regulars with the plastic applicators, not cardboard. Anything else?"

Sherlock frowned, hearing John on the landing by 221b. Molly answered back but he didn't hear. Getting to his feet, he went to the door, opening it as John was pulling his coat on.

"Where are you going?" he asked. John glanced up from checking for his wallet.

"Shops. Molly needs supplies."

Again Sherlock frowned. John sighed.

"She needs…y'know…feminine products." Another frown. "Pads. Sherlock. Tampons. She's menstruating." This time he received a blank stare from the consulting detective, as if what he said didn't even make sense. "Oh my god, you deleted that didn't you?"

"Of course I didn't!" Sherlock bristled, the tips of his ears turning bright red. "It is a bodily function. I simply never took the time to actually learn about what women did."

"Well now's your chance if you want to come along," John said as he headed down the stairs. He did not expect Sherlock to come tripping down the stairs after him, tying his scarf around his neck. "You're…actually coming?"

"Certainly." Curiosity piqued, Sherlock decided it would be beneficial to learn what women actually used during their menstruation cycles. He had never given the idea much thought. Frankly there was no reason, but now that John and Molly were married, there may come a time that he would have to get on her good side. Perhaps he could bribe her with these…tampons…

At the shops, John took a basket, heading to a particular corner of the store and Sherlock followed obediently. John went about finding what Molly had written down for him.

"Sherlock do you see the ones without wings or- oh my god what are you doing?" To his horror, Sherlock was squeezing a package of sanitary napkins before he held them up to his nose, inhaling deeply.

"Interesting. Do women find the scent of talcum powder to actually diminish the smell of their secretions?"

John blinked. He set the tampons he'd taken off the shelf into the basket and walked away.

"John- John wait, these are better at absorbing, and there are still the longer ones- I wonder why they are longer?"

By the time John found Percy Pigs and a Dairy Milk bar for Molly, Sherlock had filled two baskets with feminine products.

"Shall I ring these up together?" the clerk asked as Sherlock dumped his items on the counter.

"No, just these," John said, pushing his few things forward. "Sherlock, what are you doing with all of those?" he hissed.

"Buying them, obviously."

"Molly only needs a few things, not the entire bloody stock!"

"While your choice of words is amusing, I must disagree with your ultimate statement."

"I think my wife knows what she needs for her menstrual cycle, Sherlock."

"Nonsense. She's only using the products she thinks she needs. Obviously, she hasn't tried all of these products."

"Really. A thirty-four year old woman doesn't know what works best for her own cycle?"

"Besides," Sherlock continued. "I wish to perform an experiment with some of these."

"Like _what?!_"

"Absorbency. Whether or not they can hold the amount the packaging says, and if they can be doubled for other uses."

"Such as?"

Sherlock looked at the bags handed to him and then at John.

"Will have to think on it."

"Oh my God you've finally lost it." John took his purchases, heading out of the store.

"Nonsense," Sherlock fell in stride beside his friend, quite pleased with himself. "You complain whenever I don't have a case. I have a perfectly harmless experiment to keep me busy until the next one comes along. Incidentally, ask Molly why she prefers plastic to cardboard."

"I am not asking my wife that."

"Why? Would you prefer if I did?"

"Only if you want to get slapped."

"Why are women so offended when men wish to learn about their cycles? It's a natural part of life."

"It doesn't mean it's pleasant, Sherlock."

They arrived at Baker street, still arguing. They found Molly in 221b, rummaging through Sherlock's cupboards.

"I hid a tin of tea up here, Sherlock, peppermint, what happened to it?"

"Behind the biscuit jar," Sherlock said. Molly found what she was looking for and then turned, actually looking at what her boys carried. "John I only said a few things," she began.

"Oh, I got exactly what was on your list, these are his." John left her sweets on the table, handing her the bag. She took it, still watching Sherlock as he opened the first box.

"Unscented, hm," He ripped open the first tampon, studying the cardboard tube. "How does one- oh!" pushing one end, the cotton end shot out, falling to the floor. He bent and picked it up, scrutinizing. "Oh of course, a retrieval cord, handy."

John and Molly collapsed in a fit of laughter. Sherlock, startled by their reaction, studied them with some alarm.  
"I fail to see what is so amusing, it _is_ handy." This only seemed to encourage their hysterics. Sherlock glared at them, miffed. "If you can't be adults about a very serious experiment, then please leave."

"Oh no," Molly gasped out; she pulled out a kitchen chair, seating herself and opening up the Percy Pigs. "I wouldn't miss this for all the tea in China."

"Very well," Sherlock glanced between her and John. "Now. First question: how much would you say you discharge on average?"

John got to his feet, poured out his tea and kissed his wife.

"I'll be upstairs."

Sherlock was at his laptop, googling the average woman's menstruation cycle.

"John! John wait, did you know a shark's brain looks like a uterus? Come look!"

"Goodnight, Sherlock." John called, Molly's cackles following him up the stairway.


End file.
